I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
