I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you would pick up someone in the library
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You ruined the universe
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