Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
