I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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