I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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