Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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