I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
