then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
