This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
