Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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