you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
pray to the hookup gods
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
