Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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