Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
