Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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