No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
