Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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