I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
