Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
