I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
