it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
