It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
