is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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