Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize