I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
