dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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