Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need a beard to bite.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
