FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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