god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
