i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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