Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
