my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
