We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
