i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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