So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
