Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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