Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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