Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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