just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
