Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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