He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
