apparently the secret to your success is patron
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
