I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
