So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
