I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
