When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
