Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
