I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
