he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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