Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
