I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
