dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
