I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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