Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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